Trump Paints A False Portrait Of The Migrant Caravan

Trump Paints A False Portrait Of The Migrant Caravan


OF COURSE, TRUMP USED LAST
NIGHT’S RALLY TO BRING UP HIS FAVORITE PRE-MIDTERMS TALKING
POINT– A GROUP OF CENTRAL AMERICAN MIGRANTS FLEEING NORTH
TO SAFETY– A.K.A. “THE CARAVAN.” ♪ ♪ ♪
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
LAST NIGHT, TRUMP, EVER THE UBER FAN, HAS MADE UP CARAVAN’S
ORIGIN STORY FAN FICTION:>>WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS
A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE. THEY CALL IT A CARAVAN. ( BOOING )
YOU KNOW HOW THE CARAVAN STARTED? DOES EVERYBODY KNOW WHAT THIS
MEANS, HUH?>>Stephen: NO. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. ARE YOU– ARE YOU FEEDING
CHICKENS? ARE YOU– ARE YOU DEALING
BLACKJACK? OH, I KNOW. YOU’RE SPREADING (BLEEP). ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE CAN SAY– WE CAN SAY– HE HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST MIME
OF ALL TIME. ( AS TRUMP )
“OKAY, I’M TRAPPED IN A BOX. I’M CLIMBING A LADDER. I’M PULLING A ROPE.” ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, NOT EVERYTHING TRUMP HAS SAID ABOUT THIS CARAVAN IS TRUE. FOR INSTANCE, ANY OF IT. ( LAUGHTER )
HERE’S– HERE’S WHAT DONALD TRUMP SAID DURING YESTERDAY’S
CHOPPER TALK.>>Stephen:
( AS TRUMP ) “YES, EVERYTHING. YOU’LL FIND THEM ALL IN THERE–
ALI BABA AND HIS 40 THIEVES, JAFAR FROM “ALADDIN.” AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE IN
THE WORLD CARMEN SANDIEGO IS? SHE’S IN THAT CARAVAN, AND HER
COLON IS PACKED WITH BALLOONS OF HEROIN.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT– I THINK. I DON’T KNOW. I DIDN’T DO IT. I DIDN’T DO IT. PLOOUZ
( APPLAUSE ) BUT A “WASHINGTON POST” REPORTER
TWEETED, “HELLO FROM SOUTHERN MEXICO, WHERE NO ONE COVERING
THE CARAVAN HAS MET ANYONE FROM THE MIDDLE EAST.” ( LAUGHTER )
TO WHICH DONALD TRUMP REPLIED ( AS TRUMP )
“OH, MY GOD, INVISIBLE MUSLIMS!” THEY HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY NOW. THEY HAVE– THEY HAVE THE RING
OF POWER. THEY’RE INVISIBLE.” ( APPLAUSE )
TODAY, THE PRESIDENT TALKED TO REPORTERS IN THE OVAL OFFICE,
AND HE DEFENDED WHAT HE’S SAID ABOUT THE SCARE-A-VAN.>>LET ME JUST TELL YOU
SOMETHING. I SPOKE WITH BORDER PATROL THIS
MORNING, AND I SPOKE TO THEM LAST EVENING, AND I SPOKE TO
THEM THE DAY BEFORE. THEY’VE INTERCEPTED ALL SORTS OF
PEOPLE. THEY HAVE INTERCEPTED GOOD ONES
AND BAD ONES. THEY HAVE INTERCEPTED WONDERFUL
PEOPLE FROM THE MIDDLE EAST AND THEY HAVE INTERCEPTED BAD ONES. THEY HAVE INTERCEPTED WONDERFUL
PEOPLE FROM SOUTH AMERICA AND FROM OTHER PARTS FURTHER SOUTH. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: I DON’T UNDERSTAND. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: FURTHER SOUTH?>>Stephen: WAIT A SECOND! FURTHER SOUTH THAN SOUTH
AMERICA? OH, MY GOD, DID BORDER PATROL
ARREST TERROR PENGUINS? ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) THEY EXIST. THEY EXIST.>>Jon: THEY EXIST.>>Stephen: THEY’RE KNOWN AS
“ICE-IS.” THANK YOU. THANK YOU. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THANK YOU. THAT JOKE SENT IN BY LITTLE
RICHIE DOM, AGE 8. ONE REPORTER POINTED OUT THAT
THE PRESIDENT DIDN’T PROVIDE ANY EVIDENCE OF MIDDLE EASTERN
PEOPLE IN THE CARAVAN.>>BUT THERE IS NO PROOF?>>THERE’S NO PROOF OF ANYTHING. THERE IS NO PROOF OF ANYTHING. BUT THEY COULD VERY WELL BE. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: YES, LOOK, I
UNDERSTAND BELIEVING IN SOMETHING WITHOUT ANY PROOF. FOR INSTANCE, I BELIEVE IN GOD,
EVEN THOUGH THE FACT THAT HE ALLOWED DONALD TRUMP TO BECOME
PRESIDENT IS EVIDENCE HE DOESN’T EXIST. ( APPLAUSE )
I BELIEVE. YOU AND ME, YOU AND ME. TRUMP ALSO DISCUSSED HIS
POSITION ON THE KHASHOGGI MURDER. WHICH SEEMS TO HAVE CHANGED
UNDER INTENSE PRESSURE FROM REALITY AND HE EXPLAINED HIS
PROBLEM WITH WHAT WENT DOWN IN THE CONSULATE.>>THEY HAD A VERY BAD ORIGINAL
CONCEPT.>>Stephen: TRUE, CONSIDERING
THEIR ORIGINAL CONCEPT WAS MURDER. I’M GUESSING THAT WAS A PRETTY
SHORT PITCH MEETING. “JUST SPITBALLING HERE, BOSS. NO BAD IDEAS. IT’S “A BUG’S LIFE” MEETS HOW
ABOUT WE JUST KILL A GUY?” TRUMP’S SHOUT-AND-POUT
CONTINUED.>>IT WAS CARRIED OUT POORLY. AND THE COVER-UP WAS ONE OF THE
WORST IN THE HISTORY OF COVER-UPS.>>Stephen: ACTUALLY, SIR, THIS
IS THE WORST IN THE HISTORY OF COVER-UPS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT’S– ♪ ♪ ♪
OF COURSE, ONE GUY OUT THERE WHO IS REALLY NOT BUYING THE SOUDY
COVER-UP IS TIEWRK PRESIDENT AND MAN GUILTY OF ATTEMPTED
MUSTACHE, PRESIDENT RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN. TODAY, ERDOGAN ADDRESSED THE
TURKISH PARLIAMENT AND CALLED THE DEATH OF KHASHOGGI
“PREMEDITATED MURDER.” SEE, PRESIDENT TRUMP? IT’S NOT THAT HARD TO SAY
MURDER. IT’S NOT A DIFFICULT WORD, LIKE
“ANOMISH” OR “UNITED STATSH.” ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: THAT’S THE LOW TONE. LIKE A LOW “E.”>>Stephen: IT’S NOT JUST THE
CARAVAN, IT’S NOT JUST THE CARAVAN,
AND THE MURDER OF A “WASHINGTON POST” JOURNALIST TRUMP IS
FIBBING ABOUT, AND THE PRESS HAS NOTICED. “THE NEW YORK TIMES” SAYS,
“DONALD TRUMP IS LYIN’ UP A STORM.” “VANITY FAIR” DECLARES, “TRUMP’S
LIES ARE BECOMING EXPONENTIALLY MORE BRAZEN,” AND “COSMO” SAYS,
“101 DONALD TRUMP LIES THAT WILL DRIVE YOUR MAN WILD.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH! 101! AND THE STRANGEST LIE DONALD
TRUMP HAS TOLD ABOUT THIS IS HIS MADE-UP MIDDLE-CLASS TAX CUT.>>WE ARE LOOKING AT PUTTING IN
A VERY MAJOR TAX CUT FOR MIDDLE- INCOME PEOPLE. AND IF WE DO THAT, IT WILL BE
SOME TIME JUST PRIOR, I WOULD SAY, TO NOVEMBER.>>A MAJOR WHAT AGAIN?>>A MAJOR TAX CUT.>>Stephen: YES, JUST PRIOR TO
NOVEMBER, WHICH IS OCTOBER, WHICH IS NOW. THERE’S JUST ONE SMALL PROBLEM:
CONGRESS IS IN RECESS THROUGH THE ELECTION. CONGRESS ISN’T IN D.C.? WHERE DID CONGRESS GO? COULD THEY BE IN… THE CARAVAN? ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: THANK YOU! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!>>Jon: THAT WAS NICE. THAT WAS NICE.>>Stephen: I’M AVAILABLE FOR
PARTIES. ( LAUGHTER )
YESTERDAY, AGAIN DURING AMERICA’S FAVORITE TALK SHOW,
CHOPPER TALK, TRUMP WALKED THIS ONE BACK JUST A LITTLE BIT.>>WE’RE PUTTING IN A RESOLUTION
SOMETIME IN THE NEXT WEEK, OR WEEK AND A HALF, TWO WEEKS.>>A RESOLUTION WHERE?>>WE’RE GOING TO PUT IN– WE’RE
GIVING A MIDDLE-INCOME TAX REDUCTION OF ABOUT 10%. WE’RE DOING IT NOW FOR
MIDDLE-INCOME PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT FOR BUSINESS. THIS IS FOR MIDDLE. THAT’S ON TOP OF THE TAX
DECREASE THAT WE’VE ALREADY GIVEN THEM.>>ARE YOU SIGNING AN EXECUTIVE
ORDER FOR THAT?>>NO, NO, NO. I’M GOING THROUGH CONGRESS.>>BUT CONGRESS ISN’T IN
SESSION, THOUGH.>>WE WON’T HAVE TIME TO DO THE
VOTE. WE’LL DO THE VOTE LATER.>>CONGRESS IS OUT.>>WE’LL DO THE VOTE AFTER THE
ELECTION. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: YES, HE’S PROMISING THE MIDDLE-CLASS TAX CUT WILL
HAPPEN PRIOR TO NOVEMBER, BUT AFTER THE ELECTION. SO MARK YOU CALENDARS. IT’S HAPPENING OC-VEMBER 46. YES, I’M TELLING YOU SOON. IT IS COMING OC-INVESTMENT BE
46. “IT’S COMING SOON. IT’S RIGHT AFTER. THANKSGIVE-O-WEEN. TRICK OR TURKEY!”
ISN’T THAT THE GREAT THING ABOUT TRUMP NOW THAT HE’S PRESIDENT WE
CAN SAY TRICK OR TURKEY.>>Jon: WE COULDN’T SAY IT
BEFORE.>>Stephen: FOR YEARS IT’S
BEEN THE WAR ON THANKSGIVE-O-WEEN. SO, IS TRUMP TELLING THE TRUTH
ABOUT THE MIDDLE-CLASS TAX CUT? JUDGES?>>LIAR! LIAAAR!>>YOU LIAR!>>YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES.>>10% TAX CUT. FOR MIDDLE-INCOME FAMILIES. IT’S GOING TO BE PUT IN NEXT
WEEK.>>LIAR!>>10% TAX CUT.>>Stephen: WE’VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

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