I’m down, I’m in the trenches! Oh my God… Phillips! NO! Ooooooh, suck my dick, you piece of shit! FUCK That’s bullshit. Are you ready for some authentic paintball action from the number one name in the sport?! GREG HASTINGS PAINTBALL 2!!! It’s terrible! This shit’s fuckin’ state-of-the-art. Oh my God, is this Call of Duty 5?! This is crazy! MODERN WARFARE 7! Oh, just like fucking running in there. Oh, not stopping for anything! I’m just walking down the middle of the fucking field! You suck! You suck! (x2) You suck! (x3) You suck! (x4) You suck! (x5) That guy really does suck. Look at this guy, look at this guy! You do this for a living, you piece of shit?! [Game] You need to push up! Now! Push up – I’m coming back at the flag, numbnuts! This game does not fuck around, look at that old guy! LOOK AT HIM [Old guy voice] Huuurh! Paintball! Whoa… IT’S LIKE FUCKING NORMANDY HERE! [Quietly] Wait, ready? OOHHH FUCKING CHEATED BITCH!!! Oooh, your face! Kerry, shut up! [Whispering] Are we still playing? AAAAGH Oh wow, I just cheated. That’s – a sign of a shitty game, and I died anyway, but that’s fine. That’s fine! [Game] Yeah, yeah! Awesome game! YEAH YEAH BOYYYYYY [Game] …out on the field. A team that stays in communication will beat a quiet team nine times out of ten. Oh, shut up! No, it won’t! I didn’t say anything! Wear brighter colours Philip Smith, I could barely fucking see you in the woods! Why is our team wearing bright white?! Wur – should be wearing fucking camo! [Realising his fate] Goddammit! [Repetitive clinging noise] Hit the fucking pole some more, hit the pole some more. Fuck! Cheated, suck my dick. ♫ Buh da buh ♫ NO He’s just standing there… Wait, I… What was the objective there? I’m confused. We lost to them. We lost to THAT fucking team that got playing with his fucking shoe! [Game] Hey, tie up your shoes! Hey, tie your shoes! Great fucking tip! Jesus Christ, fatso! Fuckin slow your roll! You want to breathe some more? [Heavy breathing] I wasn’t even doing anything… Holy fuck, Mario played paintball?! MAMMA MIA Look at this guy, he’s fucking playing Nightcrawlers over here! Holy shit, the Frontline Paintball magazine? Paintball… Paintball never changes… [Game] …aster of the woodsball world, so you know… [Michael mocking game] sO yOU kNoW tHEy’Ll PuT oN a GreAT EVeNt tdHGghgHGHDrewesEHSHUT UP Look at all the colours OOOOOOH it’s like a fucking rainbow of flavour in my mouth! Hey, Philip! Fuck you. [Weird voice] OOOOUUUH PHILIP YOU’RE GONNA BE AUH AUHH Look at these guys, they’re just walkin’ through the middle of fucking field like jerk-offs. How is this hard? This is fucking retarded! YOU SUCK Dude, I’m pretty fucking amazing at this game. Paintball gaming doesn’t get more realistic than this, unless you actually go outside and play paintball! Why are we getting our ass kicked? Holy shit! No. Oooh, you’re gonna die you’re gonna die (x2) you’re gonna die! (x3) FUCK AHHHH CHEATED Greg Hastings Paintball 2, it’s almost like a real game if it were any fun! Oh, look at this! OH, fucking melee! Cheat! Cheat! (x2) Shoot! AAAH I GOT NO PAINT LEFT AAAAH CHEATED AGAIN BUT I HAVE NO PAINT I’m gonna hide. I’m raising Crimson Defense! Go! OH MY GOD I’M AMBIDEXTROUS I’ve been running around with no paint for like five minutes. That guy’s not gonna shoot me- That guy shot me… -_- ♫ [Michael’s guitar noise] Playing a shitty game ♫ ♫ Gonna make it sound cool, It’s fuck – ♫ ♫ Include some rock music even though it’s fuckin’ terrible ♫ ♫ And it’s got graphics from like 1997 ♫ Dude, playing this… Like, I feel stupid. I had no idea they ported Rainbow Six from Nintendo 64 to 360. Cuz that’s what this looks like. No one in the office that made this game said, “Hey! What do you guys want to do after work? You want to play some Greg Hastings Paintball 2?” Fuck no, they didn’t! They would’ve played Halo or some shit, or Call of Duty! NOBODY PLAYED THIS Come here, you piece of shit! GET OVER HERE Fuck. OOOH cheated again! Hey dickfuck! Stand next to the fuckin’ flag you’re right next to and take it, you idiot! Y O U I D I O T Alright yeah, we won. But nobody’s a real winner because this game is fucking terrible. It’s a piece of shit that should have never been made and quite frankly this week I’m not rage quitting it, I’m fucking pity quitting it! I’m ashamed of myself for even playing this fucking horrible pile of crap. Quitting this fucking game! Gregory… I am disappoint.