Welcome back to Avatar Paintball version 1.5! If you would like to find out more head on over to www.AvatarPaintball.com Or press the fucking START button. Why would I go to the website? I bought the fucking game. I spent a dollar! That’s 100 fucking pennies, 20 fuckin’ nickels son! 5 quarters, 11 dimes! Okay? Okay so we have a couple of options here. We got Practice Mode, Play Online, Controls and Top Players. Okay, practice is for pussies, controls is for busters, So let’s just play online! Ok, a solid… solid look to the game… The music has completely stopped, which is amazing. It’s good. It really immerses you. I feel like I’m actually there. I feel like I could be fucking murdered at any moment! Oh, Ray’s here! I assume it’s Ray cause Ray’s always here first. Ray(Away from mic): Ray’s here! It’s Ray. About a minute and a half into this video, I have not seen anyone. By anyone, I mean the one guy that’s in this game. So uh, kind of a big town for a 1v1. Oh shit! Is that him? There he is! Vic- Oh wha- what?! What?! Where the fuck is this prick? And could we get the goddamn fucking, like, “kill message” off my screen? I realized he killed me about a minute ago! Remember that one time somebody got a kill? Remember that? Yeah, that happened this game. What the fuck is this? It says “Avatar Paintball” and it’s a picture of a fucking ice cream cone. So what the fuck are you selling? You selling paint or ice cream? That guy is fucking shooting at me. Yeah- YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Is there anything else I can do besides run and- Oh SHIT, sprint! Watch out! Okay, that’s- Alright, I got this. (Awesome car noises) (Screeching of tires) Because I’m running so fast. Holy shit, so there is a lot going on. Got a fucking sweet shield, that’s awesome. It’s also, like a huge beacon pointing out where I am- Where is this guy, I can hear him running around. Can I hear him running or can I hear- I guess it is too much to ask to be able to hear the other player. Oh, come here you motherfucker. HOW?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! It’s bullshit, it’s bullshit! It’s bullshit and I fucking hate him. Is there like a scope- OH MY GOD! Oh, he’s right there, he’s right there- What the fuck, what the fuck? *gibberish* It would also be nice if there was some sort of zoom button, like I could aim down a scope- What is that shit? Oh fuck, I know where he’s at, I know where he’s at. I’m gonna get this bitch- OHHHHH! You got got, son! You got fucking got! Are there any cars or fucking people or anything? Ohh, you fucking bitch! This bitch-ass bitch quit! What the fuck!? You know, this is the problem with the online community nowadays, everybody’s a dick, okay? Nobody can just go online, have a nice, relaxing game- You fucking pussy! You like that you fucking pussy?! Oh shit, what is this, I got a rabbit? Hooooooooly shit! I’m gonna use the red gun, should I- Wait what fires faster? Holy shit, definitely the black gun, the red gun can go fuck itself in its fat fucking ass. Look at this garden. Look at this. This is beautiful.This is beautiful. C’mere Bobby, you fucking sloppy bitch! Get over here! C’mere you little prick! Quit fucking running around- You bitch! His haircut’s fucking stupid, did you see it? It’s like, what, did you go to the fucking barber and say “make me look like a jerk”? Oh! Ahh, fuck! Great, so the shield runs out and the dude turns the corner, well that’s fantastic. Did I actually- Ahh, you son of a bitch! Who the hell is that?! Who the hell- What?! The guy joined the game at the last fucking second and he got 40 points?! Twenty thousand? That gun costs twenty fucking thousand? How many points- Aww, shit! Okay, so here’s a great fucking feature, right? You hit the Back button to check the score, or the leaderboard, or whatever, cause that’s pretty fucking normal, right? That’s how you do it in Call of Duty! Ray, how do you check the fucking score in Call of Duty?
Ray: Back button. It’s the Back button, you know what the Back button does, in Avatar Paintball? It quits the fucking game!
Ray: That’s a bad feature. Dude, check this out, right? Let’s check the formula. Fuckin’ smoke dat heeeeeerb! Can I get some fucking music, can there be anything happening? There’s just birds fucking chirping away. “Cheep cheep cheep! Oh nice fucking headshot, but also cheep cheep cheep!” It would seriously be great if you could fucking aim… Like, at any capacity. You see this bush? Ain’t fucking shooting over it! You can’t jump, you can’t fucking aim- Oh! Oh, oh there’s a guy behind me! Oh my God, you fuck! Murder him! Kill that son of a bitch! Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh- WHAT! WHAT?! Goddamn it! I was boostin’, I was boostin! I had the speed boost! What is this, Ray’s got packages? Gus, why did Ray get packages? Gus: Coconuts. He got coconuts? That sounds like glass, dude. Bite into it, just bite into it. I can’t even shoot the guy down the block cause half my fucking balls are hitting the floor. Look, they’re just hitting the fucking street! Just shoot the motherfucker, he’s right in front of you! Get the fucking rabbit, get the rabbit! Bzzzz, ohhhh, you got hosed, you got hosed, you got hosed! How is he not dead yet, how’s he not dead yet? How is he not dead? I fucking took the hose and shoved it down his fucking throat! Ohh, I’m out of bullets! Motherfucker! I want my fucking money back. I paid a hundred cents for this and I want it back. Ray: That’s a dollar.
That’s one dollar, Ray. That’s one goddamn dollar. It sucks and it’s stupid and nobody likes it! That’s okay, I’m just bad- *Ray makes noises in background*
Ray, seriously? What’re you doing back there? What’d you get? Ray: I got a mug full of candy and the mug says something.
*Michael repeats what Ray said* Does it say “Go fuck yourself, Avatar Paintball”? Ray: It does not.
It doesn’t say that, but it should. What’re you doing, dickhead? What’re you doing- Ah shit! I should’ve killed- Oh, OH! Oh, fucking hacks! Hacks! Hacks, look at this shit! Oh my God! You motherfucker! That was a standby, that was standbying if I’ve ever fucking seen it. I’m sorry, what’re we playing, Avatar Paintball or fucking Halo 2? You son of a bitch. God, this game is a pile of fucking dog shit. No, I take that back. It’s like dog food that your dog ate, and then threw up- And then he ate the fucking vomit, shit it out later, and then ate his own shit. That’s what this game is like. Oh, oh God, oh, murder in the streets! Nice blue suit, dickhead. Just kidding, it was fucking dumb. Ohhh, where the fuck are they? Where are they?! Ahhh, noooo! Noooo! You motherfucker! Why would you make the Back button quit?! It doesn’t make any sense! Goddamn it!