There once was a boy named Harry destined to be a star. His parents were killed by Voldemort, who gave him a lightning scar. Yo Harry, you’re a wizard! Harry goes to Hogwarts. He meets Ron and Hermione. McGonagall requires he play for Gryffindor. Draco is a daddy’s boy. Quirrell becomes unemployed. The Sorcerer’s Stone is destroyed by Dumbledore, Ron breaks his wand. Now Ginny’s gone, and Harry’s in mortal danger. Tom Riddle hides his snake inside his ginormous secret chamber. Harry blows up Aunt Marge. The dementors come and take charge. Lupin is a wolf, the rat’s a man, and now the prisoner is at large. They use time travel so they can save the prisoner of Azkaban. Who just so happens to be Harry’s godfather. I don’t really get it either. Harry gets put in the Triwizard Tournament, with dragons and mermaids. Oh no! Edward Cullen gets slayed! He’s back! Harry, Harry, it’s getting scary. Voldemort’s back. Now you’re a revolutionary Harry Dumbledore, Dumbledore, why is he ignoring your constant attempts to contact him? He is forced to leave the school, Umbridge arrives. Draco’s a tool. Kids break into the Ministry, Sirius Black is dead as can be. Split your soul, seven parts of a whole. They’re horcruxes. It’s Dumbledore’s end. There once was a boy named Harry, who constantly conquered death. But in one final duel between good and bad, he may take his final breath.